Programs, Recitals and a Kitty...oh my!

The school year quickly went by.  Taylor finished his freshman year with a 4.0 and Parker finished his first year of junior high with a 4.0 as well! Mason finished up his 4th grade year with excellent E's and Emma had high marks her first year of school as a Kindergartner! We are proud parents! They work so hard and are so intelligent! It's always so fun to watch the end of year programs that the elementary school kids get to do. We are lucky that they have such great teachers!

                                          Mason and Mrs. Cropper

At the end of May, we also get to watch Emma's dance recital!  She has grown quite a bit as a dancer/performer.  You can clearly see that she has more confidence and is loving what she does. We keep asking her if she would like to try sports or something else, but no...she just wants to DANCE! That's my girl!

While we were at the ballpark my kids saw someone giving away free kittens.  Well, I am not a lover of  cats, however, my kids have been begging me for a pet (mostly a dog) and I kept telling them we were not home enough for a dog and it wasn't fair to the poor animal.  Dogs require A LOT of attention and in my opinion are worse than a new baby! Anyway, I never had pets growing up and I always want to do things different than my parents so....a new kitty was the compromise (since they are a lot less maintenance than a dog)! He is a cute little kitty though. But he is in the house more than I would like him to be!

                                             Milo

Better than I had

First of all let me explain that this is not a pity party on my childhood.  I had very good parents who did the best they knew how to and could at the time.  With that being said, I want better for my children.  I think we all do in one way or another. 
I am not a perfect mother.  I don't claim to be.  But when it's said and done, I want my kids to think they had the best mom ever.
That is why I do what I do, second guess everything, and push through even when I want to throw the towel in, curl into a ball and call it quits. 
I want my children to have good...no.... great self esteem.  To be leaders and confident enough to take chances, or push through when the whole world is beating them down. To love themselves even if it feels like no one else does.  To know of their value as a son or daughter of God and to know their worth.
I want my children to have a strong spiritual foundation.  To know that there really is a God who loves them unconditionally, who wants what is best for them.  For them to be able to trust him ALWAYS and have faith in him.  To have a relationship with him, talk to him, and have a desire to follow him, knowing it will bring them true peace and happiness.
I want my children to have opportunities.  To be able to see things and experience life; find what they love and do what excites them.  I want them to have every opportunity to excel and become the best they can be at something.
I want my children to feel nurtured and unconditional love from me.  (Maybe the most important on my list)  I want my kids to know they were the most important thing to me.  To know that their lives and happiness were top priority to me.  To never feel like they took a back seat to my needs or wants.  To know I have their back 100% of the time and that no matter what I love them ALWAYS.  Not because of who they are or what they do, but because they are my child.            

Random Event/Thought

Since I don't blog regularly, I have a bunch of random thoughts running around in my head.  These are the top two at the moment.

Random Event
Drew got hit with a baseball bat last night.  A good ol' swing right to the gut.  Me, being the caring wife that I am, basically told him to buck up and rolled my eyes quite a bit.  He was still in a lot of pain today so he made himself a doctors appointment.  I asked him what the doctors at the clinic were going to do because they only know how to write prescriptions.  Needless to say they were a little worried about his kidneys so they sent him over to the hospital for a cat scan.  Thankfully nothing was seriously wrong; just swollen and bruised insides.  Enough to get him out of Saturday cleaning (DARN)! 

Random Thought
Last weekend Taylor played baseball in Las Vegas.  We left the other 3 kids home.  Ooohh sweetness!  Those were the best 3 days I've had in a long time!  And the sad part is that I enjoyed myself so much because my three youngest were home.  Does that make me a bad mom?  Don't get me wrong.  I love my kids, but here's how my days went...
Roll out of bed when Taylor and Drew left for the ball park....Get me, and ONLY ME ready for the day....Casually make my way to the game, stopping at Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast....Carry ONE CHAIR into the ball park, finding a perfect spot to watch the games....Watch the games without passing out all my money to bored children for snacks and worrying that they will get lost or kidnapped.....Go back to the hotel and freshen up for dinner.....Eat a relaxing dinner...Give Taylor money to go hang out with friends.....I am ALONE...Go to a movie on a whim (1 ticket please!!)....Gamble while Taylor sleeps....You get the picture.  I got a glimps of what my life will be like when my children are gone and it excites me.  Then I feel guilty for being excited.  I am reminded of last weeks Modern Family episode (If you don't watch it, shame on you!).  Cam and Mitchell have dropped in for a visit at the Dunfeys house.  Everything seems to be going wrong and they ask if they've come at a bad time.  Claire (aka Courtney) screams out "Come back in 7 years and 5 months when they're gone!)  I often find myself thinkig this.  So again I pose the question, Am I a bad mother, or do I just need more Vegas getaways?

Our Little Angel

March 1st marked the 6 year anniversary of the day our little boy entered and exited our presence. His only mission here on earth was to receive a body. What a valiant spirit he must be! I am so honored that I was able to help give him the only thing he needed and that I am able to call him my son.

That is not to say that this experience came without pain. It hurts to bury a child. I didn't like it one bit. It also was the moment that I realized that Heavenly Father was in control and I wasn't. What a hard lesson for me.

Although the rest of the world did not know him I had 8 months of joy, getting to experience him growing and moving and feeling that bond that a mother and her unborn child get to. He was very much alive to me! How I cherish those last days of listening to his heart beat, and feeling each and every move.

I believe that he would have loved to stay here on earth with his family, but knew of the good he could do on the other side. And I KNOW that although I cannot see him, his spirit is very much alive doing important work that he could only do from there.

I am thankful for the experience, I am thankful that my family and I have something to work towards and I am thankful that I have the knowledge that I will see him again.

Stress

This is my calendar for the month

That is one of the reasons I am stressed.

Addict

Hi my name is Courtney and I'm a foodaholic. We are not talking good for you food either. I'm not joking. I have a real problem. I really wonder if this is what it feels like for people that are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I can't say NO. Every morning when I wake up I tell myself, today's the day that I am going to eat to live, not live to eat. Depending on the day I can last until about 10am, or 12 at the latest. I eat if I am sad. I eat if I am happy. I eat when I am tired. You get the point. If the food is in front of me it will soon be inside of me! I think my brain doesn't tell me when to stop; and I don't stop until my belly won't expend any further. Yes, this is most definitely a problem.

I don't appreciate how much I love food and how much it hates me right back. You should see the things it has done to my body and yet I still can't stop. Hmmm...bad for my body, but still craving it...you know, the more I write, the more I think this is really like drug addiction. Except my teeth aren't falling out, I am just expanding....and my arteries are probably on there way to getting blocked. It is most definitely time for more naked pics......

Child Bribery

Emma was assigned a talk in primary last week. Previously, anytime she has had to give a talk, scripture, or prayer she would freeze as soon as she got to the podium. Well, I was done speaking for her, so I bribed her yesterday. I told her if she would give her talk I would take her to buy a Dora doll today. Well, it worked fabulous! I was so proud of her! But I had to hold up my end of the deal; so, off to K-mart we went.
When I bribed her I was thinking, I can get a little cheap Dora doll for about $5. Just tiny and cheap. Enough to hold up my end of the bargain. Well after walking through 5 isles of toys tonight, I discovered that you cannot buy a little Dora doll for $5. Try more like $15-$50. So, we had to settle for the $15 one. The one we got talks when you touch her belly and comes with a dog, Perrito (or Burrito as Emma likes to call him).

Here she is telling me, "Just take my picture!"

She took Dora to bed with her tonight. Not sure if that's a good idea since I keep hearing a Spanish speaking voice from Emma's room!